22. 10. 2022
"Find what you love and let it kill you."
This quote is by Charles Bukowski. I can responsibly say that I have found IT. After a few days of grape harvesting, my body gave up. After a month in the hospital, I am back and ready to love again. With only minor changes in my life.
I really love winemaking and everything around it. My brain was still going full blast. I didn't know how to turn it off. It didn't even occur to me that I was doing anything wrong. That's what happens when you love something. I lived for winery from waking up to falling asleep. And so the brain shut itself off. I collapsed and ended up in the hospital. "If you couldn't get off the train on your own, now the train has crashed to make you stop." That's what I heard from the doctors. Ignoring the fatigue and bad mood preceded it.
When you spend a month in the hospital, you run out of things. Although not everything is always ideal and as you plan it. In my case, the 2022 vintage and the wines. I already know that some wines will be sold out and unavailable for quite some time, especially our flagship wines. Never mind. You can't imagine the feeling of panic and helplessness at the same time when my family told me I had to say goodbye to the 2022 vintage. Two days of denial followed. In retrospect, I can thank my entire family and their consistent insistence that I remain stable and rest in the hospital. And I must also thank the Young Winemakers (Mladí vinaři) and my colleagues at SONBERK Winery and all of you who offered to help me. Honestly, I was very touched and I did not expect it. A big THANK YOU.
And what did I realize in that month? That health really comes first (because otherwise you're really screwed), that I couldn't do it without the support of my family and friends, and that even if what you love can consume you and fulfill you, you need to set some boundaries, not try to please everyone, and be able to relax. I thought I was relaxing with my regular running. But only now did I realize that while I was resting physically, my mind was still thinking about winemaking. So not like that anymore.
So take care of yourselves, and I add optimistically that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Have a good day and rest.